5 Parenting Lessons We’ve Learned the Hard Way

Introduction

Parenting isn’t for the faint of heart. It’s a journey of joy, love, and growth—but also one filled with unexpected hurdles. Over the years, we’ve faced plenty of family challenges that taught us parenting lessons we couldn’t have learned any other way. While we didn’t always handle things perfectly (and still don’t), each experience helped shape us into the parents we are today and continues to shape us into the parents we will be tomorrow. Every day, we strive to be better than we were yesterday.

Here are five parenting lessons we’ve learned the hard way, hoping they’ll encourage you on your parenting journey.

1. Always Put God First

This is a lesson we’ve learned (and relearned) time and time again. Early in our parenting journey, we made the mistake of thinking we could do it all on our own. But when the family challenges piled up—financial stress, health scares, and emotional struggles—we realized that everything falls apart when we put God second.

Now, we wake up reminding ourselves that if we keep God before us, nothing can stand against us. We lean on our faith during tough times and teach our children that God is the ultimate provider. Does that mean we’ve mastered this thing called life and nothing ever goes wrong? Absolutely not! But it does mean that when the day inevitably brings heartache, stress, and the great unknown—like your kids calling out for you for the 100th time in the last 10 minutes while you’re trying desperately to have your own thoughts (too specific?)—God is there. He’s already in tomorrow before we even take our first waking breath.

Parenting lessons don’t always come easy, but this one is foundational to our family’s growth.

Integrating faith into our daily routine has been transformative. Here are some resources that have helped us:

Children’s Bibles: Our Daily Bread is engaging and accessible for kids, making scripture reading and devotion time a shared family joy.

Family Devotional Books: The Kingdom Family Devotional by Tony Evans offers 52 weeks of insightful devotions tailored for families.

2. Quality Time Matters More Than Perfect Plans

We used to think that parenting success was measured by how many picture-perfect moments we could create. But some of our most meaningful family memories have come from the simplest things: a heartfelt conversation at bedtime, a spontaneous game night, or a walk around the neighborhood. These moments are the ones that will be remembered and cherished for years to come.

I once heard a story about a tombstone with only a name and a single line, no dates. When asked why, the family replied, “Because the moment you leave this earth, the only thing that matters is what you did while you were here. It’s the time in between.”

We learned this lesson by burning ourselves out trying to do it all. Now, we focus on presence over perfection, knowing that what our kids truly need is our time and attention. Not every gadget or toy they think they need, but us. Our job is to raise decent human beings who will one day grow into adults, Lord willing, just like you and me. Yikes—no pressure, right?

We’ve found that simple, shared activities often create the most cherished memories. Here are some of our favorites:

Outdoor Activities: Ladderball is an easy game that gets everyone outside and laughing together.

Board Games: Apples to Apples is a family favorite in our house. It always brings laughter to the table and it’s pretty easy for kids but still enjoyable for adults!

3. It’s Okay to Ask for Help

One of the hardest parenting lessons to learn is that you can’t do it all alone. There have been several challenging seasons—including the one we’re in now—where we’ve found ourselves needing to rely on family for support. In fact, we’ve lived with family more than we haven’t during the 12 years we’ve been married. While humbling, it teaches us the value of community and how asking for help doesn’t mean you’ve failed—it means you’re human.

My father always says, “That’s what family is for!” And he’s right. Yes, it’s humbling. Yes, it requires swallowing your pride. But whether it’s leaning on extended family, friends, or your faith community, never hesitate to seek support when life feels overwhelming.

Building a support network is crucial. These resources have been invaluable:

Parenting Books: Gary Chapman has a variety of books in the self-help genre called “The 5 Love Languages” that have helped us understand and meet our kids’ emotional needs. Whether you have young children or teenagers, he has books to cover each individually, not to mention one for men and women!

4. Mistakes Are Opportunities to Grow

We’ve made plenty of life and parenting mistakes, from flipping a coin to make big decisions to losing our patience and failing to set clear boundaries. But through every misstep, we’ve learned that the goal isn’t perfection—it’s being present and willing to grow.

Every challenge, argument, and tough decision is an opportunity to model resilience, forgiveness, and humility for our kids. After a particularly stressful incident a few months ago, we moved from Montana back to Oklahoma. We left most of our belongings 25 hours away in storage, bringing only the essentials as we moved in with my (Denise’s) parents. Mistakes brought us here. And while mistakes are part of life, they should never be forgotten; they help us learn and grow.

Just the other day, Ethan had a disagreement with his grandmother. He questioned her judgment rather than trusting her intent, which caused frustration all around. We want our kids to listen and obey, but sometimes we forget that they also face stresses and anxieties that they don’t yet know how to process. It’s our job to help them understand what they’re feeling and teach them how to navigate those situations in the future.

If we don’t, they could grow up like many of us adults today—riddled with anxieties we don’t know how to process. So, here’s a novel idea: listen to your kids and give them the same respect you hope to receive from them.

5. Consistency Is Key

Whether it’s bedtime routines, discipline, or family values, one of the most valuable parenting lessons we’ve learned is the importance of consistency. Kids thrive when they know what to expect, and that stability helps build trust and security.

But let’s be honest—staying consistent is hard. Life gets busy, and routines sometimes fall apart, especially when you’re not living in your own home. The key is to keep trying and remember that progress is better than perfection.

You’ve heard the adage, “Practice makes perfect.” In our house, we say, “Practice makes better.”

Conclusion

Parenting is one of life’s greatest adventures, filled with joys, struggles, and invaluable lessons. These five parenting lessons—putting God first, valuing quality time, asking for help, learning from mistakes, and staying consistent—have shaped and continue to shape our family in profound ways.

As you navigate your family challenges, we hope these insights encourage you to embrace the ups and downs of parenting with grace, humility, and faith.

What lessons have you learned the hard way? We’d love to hear your stories! Send us an email at [email protected].