Introduction: Finding Peace Amid the Chaos
Parenting is tough. Parenting with anxiety? That can feel downright impossible some days. As a mom with social anxiety, I know how overwhelming it can be to balance the responsibilities of raising kids while managing your mental health. The constant mental chatter, fear of judgment, and the endless “what-ifs” can make even the simplest tasks feel daunting.
But here’s the thing—I’ve learned that anxiety doesn’t have to define your parenting journey. With time, trial, and (a lot of) grace, I’ve discovered coping mechanisms that truly help. In this post, I’ll share my experiences and practical tips to support you navigate parenting through anxiety.
What Is Anxiety and How Does It Impact Parenting?
Anxiety is more than just feeling worried or stressed. It’s a mental health condition that can manifest in physical, emotional, and cognitive ways. For parents, anxiety often amplifies common challenges:
- Overthinking every decision (“Am I doing this right?”).
- Fear of judgment from other parents.
- Avoiding social interactions like playdates or school events.
- Struggling with perfectionism and setting impossible standards for yourself.
Anxiety impacts your ability to be present, which can sometimes create feelings of guilt. But the good news is acknowledging it is the first step toward change.
I often hear people from my parent’s generation say, “Anxiety wasn’t a thing back in my day.” While I respect their experiences, my response is always the same: Just because something didn’t have a name or wasn’t openly discussed doesn’t mean it didn’t exist. It simply means people likely suffered in silence, not knowing what to call the heavy burden they were carrying or how to deal with it.
The truth is, that anxiety and depression have been part of the human experience for as long as we’ve existed. Even in the Bible, some of the most faithful and revered figures wrestled with these struggles. Their stories show us that experiencing anxiety or depression doesn’t make you weak or lacking in faith—it makes you human.
Take King David, for example. In the Psalms, he pours out his heart to God, expressing deep sorrow, fear, and abandonment. Psalm 6:6 says, “I am weary with my groaning; all the night make I my bed to swim; I water my couch with my tears.” David, a man after God’s own heart, wasn’t immune to the overwhelming emotions that life can bring.
Then there’s Elijah, a prophet who witnessed God’s power in extraordinary ways, yet he, too, experienced a season of deep despair. After a great victory over the prophets of Baal, Elijah fled for his life and prayed to die. In 1 Kings 19:4, he said, “It is enough; now, O LORD, take away my life; for I am not better than my fathers.” Exhausted, overwhelmed, and feeling utterly alone, Elijah found himself in a dark place. But God didn’t leave him there—He ministered to Elijah through an angel, providing food, water, and rest, demonstrating His care in Elijah’s weakest moment.
Even Jesus, the Son of God, experienced profound anguish during his time on earth. In the Garden of Gethsemane, as he prepared to face the cross, Jesus said to his disciples, “My soul is exceeding sorrowful unto death” (Mark 14:34). In his agony, he prayed with such intensity that his sweat was “as it were great drops of blood falling down to the ground” (Luke 22:44). Jesus, fully God and fully man, understood the crushing weight of human suffering and turned to the Father in prayer.
These examples remind us that anxiety and depression are not new phenomena. They’ve been with us through the ages, often unspoken but undeniably real. The difference today is that we have the vocabulary and resources to address them—counseling, community, and, for many, a strengthening of faith.
So, when someone tells me that “anxiety wasn’t a thing back in the day,” I gently remind them that it absolutely was. The difference is that now we are learning to face it, name it, and deal with it—just as many before us have done, often leaning on God’s Word, His presence, and His provision. By acknowledging these struggles, we create space for healing, connection, and hope for future generations.
Grounding Techniques for Parenting with Anxiety
One of the biggest challenges of living with anxiety is how it steals your ability to stay present in the moment. You might be at the park with your kids, but instead of enjoying the laughter and play, your mind is racing—worrying about tomorrow’s dentist appointment, replaying that awkward comment you made last week, or imagining uncomfortable interactions you might have with other parents nearby.
To counteract this, I’ve learned to practice grounding techniques. My favorite is the 5-4-3-2-1 method:
- Name 5 things you can see around you.
- Name 4 things you can touch.
- Name 3 things you can hear.
- Name 2 things you can smell.
- Name 1 thing you can taste.
It sounds simple and possibly ridiculous, but it works wonders to bring your focus back to the here and now—where your kids need you most.
Routines That Help Reduce Parenting Anxiety
Anxiety thrives on uncertainty, and as a parent, life is full of unpredictable moments. While I’d love to say our family has a perfectly consistent routine to minimize anxiety triggers, the truth is, we’re still figuring it out.
Our mornings are often a work in progress. The kids usually wake up and head straight for their tablets, waiting until Matt or I come out of the bedroom to start the day. From there, it’s a mix of gentle (and sometimes not-so-gentle) reminders:
- Feed the dogs and let them outside.
- Go to the bathroom.
- Eat breakfast (if they haven’t already).
- Get out of your pajamas and get started on schoolwork.
It’s not picture-perfect, and some mornings feel more chaotic than others. But what I’ve learned is that even small efforts toward consistency can make a difference. We’re working on setting clear expectations and creating a routine that helps everyone—kids and parents—start the day on the right foot.
If your mornings feel more “wing it” than “well-oiled machine,” know that you’re not alone. The goal isn’t perfection; it’s progress. Even the smallest steps toward structure can bring a sense of calm to your day. And honestly, some days, just making it through is enough.
Building a Support System
This one was a tough lesson for me. As a mom with social anxiety, the idea of asking for help often feels like admitting failure. On top of that, my mind tends to process thoughts more slowly than others, so even when I muster up the courage to speak, getting my words out can feel like a monumental task.
But over time, I’ve learned that parenting isn’t meant to be a solo journey. Having a support system—whether it’s your partner, a close friend, or even an online parenting group—can make all the difference.
Here are a few ways I’ve started leaning into my support system:
- Texting a friend when I need encouragement.
- Communicating with my spouse when I just need the space to step away and decompress.
- Joining an online mom’s group where I can connect with others who truly understand.
You don’t have to share every detail of your anxiety, but letting people in, even just a little, can lighten the load. Sometimes, simply knowing you’re not alone is the first step toward finding strength in your journey.
Talking to Your Kids About Anxiety
One of the best gifts you can give your kids is emotional intelligence. Talk to them about anxiety in an age-appropriate way. This not only normalizes mental health discussions but also helps them build empathy.
For example, I’ve explained to my kids that “Mommy sometimes feels nervous in big groups, but I’m working on it.” I also encourage them to share their thoughts whenever they are unsure of how they re feeling.
By modeling openness, you’re teaching your kids that it’s okay to have hard feelings—and that they can be managed. Never punish your child for being human.
On a side note, it’s important not to let anxiety become the go-to explanation for everything in your household. I’ve noticed a cultural shift where the pendulum has swung from “anxiety doesn’t exist” to “everything happens because of anxiety.” While it’s vital to recognize and address anxiety when it’s genuinely present, we also need to acknowledge that sometimes, life just happens.
Not everything can—or should—be attributed to a mental health condition. Challenges, mistakes, or even bad days aren’t always the result of anxiety. Sometimes they’re simply a part of being human. Teaching this balance to our kids is especially important.
For example, if your child struggles with a tough math problem or feels nervous about a new experience, it’s okay to validate their feelings without immediately labeling it as anxiety. Encouraging resilience and problem-solving skills alongside emotional awareness can help them navigate life’s ups and downs without always defaulting to a diagnosis.
Mental health awareness is a powerful tool, but like any tool, it needs to be used wisely. By maintaining this balance, we can ensure that anxiety is addressed thoughtfully without overshadowing the broader scope of life’s challenges and growth opportunities.
Self-Care Strategies to Ease Parenting Anxiety
I know, I know. Self-care feels impossible, right? But hear me out—it doesn’t have to mean spa days or weekends away. It can be as simple as:
- Waking up 15 minutes earlier for quiet time with your coffee (or custom redbull mix “go-go juice”, in my case).
- Take a long shower while your partner watches the kids.
- Listening to a favorite podcast while folding laundry.
When you’re running on empty, anxiety has a way of taking over. Prioritizing small moments for yourself helps you recharge so you can show up as the parent your kids need.
When to Seek Professional Help for Anxiety
There’s no shame in needing extra support. While I’m not currently in therapy, I know it can be a game-changer for managing anxiety and unpacking deeper issues. I’m working with my doctor to take that step because I’ve seen how valuable it can be for others, and I know it’s something I need in my journey as well.
If therapy feels like too big of a leap right now, there are smaller steps you can take to start managing anxiety. Books, podcasts, or apps designed for mental health support can be great tools to begin with. Apps like Headspace and Calm have been helpful for me in creating moments of calm and mindfulness in my day-to-day life.
Remember, seeking help—whether through therapy or other resources—is a sign of strength, not weakness. Taking those first steps, no matter how small, can make a big difference. You’re not alone in this, and there’s always support available.
Encouragement for Parents Living with Anxiety
Parenting through anxiety isn’t about being perfect—it’s about showing up, even when it’s hard. Some days will be messy. Others will be magical. Through it all, remember that you are not alone.
Your kids don’t need a perfect parent—they need you. And by taking steps to care for yourself, you’re teaching them resilience, empathy, and the importance of prioritizing mental health.
Conclusion: Let’s Keep the Conversation Going
What coping mechanisms have helped you navigate parenting through anxiety? Share your tips with us at [email protected]—I’d love to hear from you!
If this post resonated with you, feel free to share it with another parent who might need encouragement today. And if you’re looking for more relatable stories, tips, and honest conversations about parenting, check out our podcast, Our Family Experiment. You can find where to listen here.
Parenting isn’t easy, but together, we can navigate the ups and downs with grace, humor, and a little extra support. You’ve got this!
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