Sometimes, life brings challenges that feel overwhelming—when we’re faced with hurtful actions or misunderstandings, it can be difficult to see a way forward. In these moments, forgiveness might feel impossible, and our emotions may be raw. But there’s one thing that can bring us peace: choosing forgiveness.
Last year, I struggled with truly forgiving and moving forward from a difficult situation. It was hard to release the pain and let go of the anger that weighed me down. But God, in His grace, used a recent experience to show me what forgiveness truly looks like. Through this situation, He helped me understand that forgiveness isn’t just a decision made once—it’s a continual choice, a daily act of letting go and choosing peace. This revelation is transforming how I approach healing, not only for myself but also for the well-being of my family.
Forgiveness is not about forgetting or excusing the wrong. It’s about finding freedom from the burden of anger and pain, and choosing to heal. It’s a decision that doesn’t always align with our feelings, but it’s a powerful step toward emotional peace—not only for ourselves but for our families, too.
The Burden of Holding On
When we hold onto hurt, it’s like carrying a heavy weight that only gets heavier over time. Anger, resentment, and confusion cloud our hearts and minds, preventing us from moving forward. Forgiveness doesn’t mean pretending the hurt didn’t happen. It simply means choosing to release the emotional weight that holds us back.
Forgiving is a step toward peace—not for anyone else, but for ourselves. By choosing to forgive, we take back control of our hearts, refusing to let the past dictate our future.
“For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.” (Matthew 6:14, KJV)
Forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves, as it allows us to move forward with a lighter heart. It’s not about making the hurt okay; it’s about choosing to let go of what we can’t change, and trusting that healing will come over time.
The Unseen Transfer of Hurt
When we carry the roots of unforgiveness and unresolved hurt, we can unintentionally pass those emotions onto others. It happens subtly—without us even realizing it. Hurt, anger, and bitterness, when left unchecked, can seep into our relationships, affecting how we interact with those closest to us. This is the essence of the saying “misery loves company.” If we’re not careful, our own unresolved pain can influence how we view others, how we respond to them, and how we treat them.
Whether it’s snapping at a loved one in frustration, projecting fear or distrust onto someone else, or withdrawing emotionally, the hurt we carry can create a ripple effect. What’s inside of us—when left unaddressed—can easily find its way out and impact those we care about most. It’s why choosing forgiveness is so vital. Not only does it free us, but it prevents the transfer of negativity, ensuring that we’re not unintentionally passing on the burden of our own pain to those around us.
Forgiveness Isn’t About Condoning the Wrong
It’s important to understand that forgiveness doesn’t mean condoning what happened or excusing anyone’s actions. Sometimes, the hurt we face is deep and complicated. But forgiveness isn’t about approving of the wrong; it’s about choosing not to let it define us.
It’s about choosing to heal, despite the hurt. By forgiving, we’re freeing ourselves from the grip that past actions can have on our peace. Forgiveness is about releasing bitterness, not for the person who hurt us, but for our own well-being. This decision doesn’t just benefit us individually—it benefits our family as well. When we choose to forgive, we clear the path for peace to return to our home and relationships.
The Danger of Waiting for an Apology
One of the hardest things about forgiveness is the temptation to wait for an apology—especially when the person who hurt us doesn’t recognize the wrong they’ve done. They may believe they were in the right or acted with good intentions, making it even more difficult to reconcile our feelings. But if we wait for an apology that may never come, we risk prolonging the pain and lack of peace in our own hearts and within our families.
The truth is, forgiveness isn’t conditional on someone else’s acknowledgment of their wrongdoing. While an apology can offer healing, it’s not necessary for us to forgive. In fact, waiting for it can hold us hostage to unresolved hurt, keeping us stuck in a cycle of bitterness and resentment.
Choosing forgiveness is an act of releasing the hold that another person’s actions have on our peace, regardless of their recognition of the hurt. Jesus didn’t wait for us to apologize before offering His forgiveness; He chose to forgive while we were still sinners, knowing that we could never earn or deserve it on our own. When we wait for an apology that may never come, we are not following Christ’s example. We are called to forgive, not because it’s deserved, but because it frees us to heal and move forward in peace—and for the well-being of our families.
The Strength in Forgiveness
Choosing forgiveness is not an easy task, and it doesn’t come naturally. But it’s one of the most empowering choices we can make. It’s an act of strength, not weakness. Through forgiveness, we let go of the power that the hurtful situation holds over us.
In the moments when we don’t know how to forgive, we can find strength in our faith.
“I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” (Philippians 4:13, KJV)
Even in the hardest moments, He gives us the strength to move forward and make the choice to forgive. And when we choose to forgive, we create an environment of peace in our homes—a place where healing and love can flourish, where our families feel safe and supported, and where we are free to move forward together.
The Illusion of Time Healing All Wounds
There’s a common saying that “time heals all wounds.” While time may help calm the immediate rush of emotions and allow our hearts and minds to gain some distance from the pain, it doesn’t necessarily heal the wound. The scars may fade, but they remain, and beneath them lies the lingering pain that hasn’t been addressed.
The problem with waiting for time to heal or waiting for an apology is that it allows bitterness to take root. When we delay forgiveness, we give space for negative emotions to grow and entrench themselves deep within our hearts. Bitterness doesn’t just go away with time—it festers, slowly poisoning our peace and our ability to move forward. The longer we hold onto that bitterness, the more it can harden our hearts, making it even harder to forgive if and when the time finally comes.
Forgiveness doesn’t happen passively as time passes—it’s a conscious choice. Choosing to forgive is the act of addressing the wound and allowing God to bring true healing. It’s about acknowledging the hurt, feeling it, and then choosing to let go of the bitterness that would otherwise anchor us to the past. Forgiveness is the way to freedom, not time alone.
The Journey of Forgiveness
Forgiveness is not a single, sweeping decision—it’s an ongoing journey, one that requires intentional effort every day. There will be days when the weight of the hurt feels too heavy to bear, and forgiving may feel impossible. On those days, it’s important to remember that it’s okay to feel those emotions. What matters most is that we choose to forgive, even when the path feels unclear or difficult.
Forgiveness is a choice that we make over and over again—it’s not something we do once and forget about. Some days, we may need to forgive the same hurt multiple times, as the memories or feelings resurface. Each time we choose to forgive, we make the decision to release the pain and bitterness, and instead, allow healing to take place. It may take time, and it may require more effort than we initially anticipated, but with every conscious choice to forgive, we move a little closer to emotional peace.
In those moments when forgiveness feels particularly difficult, we can find strength in remembering that it’s not about being perfect or getting it right on the first try—it’s about being willing to keep choosing healing. And with each choice, we grow stronger, more resilient, and more at peace with ourselves, our families, and our loved ones.
What to Do When the Hurt Comes from Those You Love
When the hurt comes from people we are close to—family, friends, or those we consider our inner circle—the decision to forgive becomes even more complicated. It’s easy to feel that, if someone close to us has caused us pain, we should distance ourselves or even sever ties to protect ourselves. The temptation may be to block them on all fronts, cutting off communication and guarding our hearts from further harm. But is that the answer? What would Jesus do in these situations?
In the face of hurt caused by loved ones, forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean embracing the hurtful behavior or tolerating abuse. It doesn’t mean allowing ourselves to remain in a toxic situation where we are continually wounded. But it does mean choosing to extend grace, even when it’s difficult. The question we should ask ourselves is not “How can I cut them out of my life?” but “How can I love them, even through the pain?”
Jesus’ response to those who hurt Him wasn’t to block them or shut them out. Instead, He extended forgiveness, even to those who betrayed, rejected, and crucified Him. “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” (Luke 23:34, KJV) Jesus didn’t embrace the harm, but He embraced forgiveness. He chose to release the anger and let go of bitterness, while still loving His enemies and showing them grace.
In our own lives, the call is to do the same. Forgiveness doesn’t always require us to stay close to those who hurt us, especially if continuing a relationship would put us in harm’s way. Sometimes, forgiveness means setting healthy boundaries while choosing to release the anger or pain we carry. It’s possible to forgive without necessarily allowing access to our hearts in the same way as before.
Ultimately, the goal isn’t to embrace the person’s harmful actions, but to embrace the process of healing and to trust that God will work in both our hearts and theirs. Just as Jesus forgave those who didn’t understand the depth of their actions, we are called to forgive—not to pretend the harm never happened, but to free ourselves from the grip of resentment and bitterness, so we can walk in peace.
Choosing Forgiveness for the Well-Being of Your Family
Choosing forgiveness isn’t just about us as individuals—it’s about the health of our families, too. When we choose to forgive, we are creating a home environment of peace, safety, and emotional healing. Our children, spouses, and loved ones look to us for guidance in how to handle conflict and pain. When we model forgiveness, we teach them that healing is possible, even in the face of deep hurt.
Choosing to forgive allows us to preserve our family’s emotional well-being. It prevents bitterness from taking root, which can affect not only us but everyone in our household. Forgiveness clears the way for love to grow, for communication to improve, and for stronger relationships to be built.
The decision to forgive, especially when it’s hard, is an act of love that honors God and strengthens the bond within our families. It’s not about excusing the wrong, but about choosing peace—peace for ourselves and for those we love the most.
Conclusion
Forgiveness is a process, one that brings freedom and healing. It’s not about condoning what happened, but about choosing peace for ourselves and for our families. Each day is a step toward letting go of the past and embracing the future with an open heart.
As you walk your own journey, remember that forgiveness is a choice. It’s a choice that brings peace and healing, even when it feels impossible. With each step, we grow stronger in our ability to trust, heal, and find peace.
A Prayer for Forgiveness and Healing
Dear God,
We come to You with heavy hearts, seeking Your help to forgive and heal. Please give us the strength to release the pain we carry and replace it with peace. Help us to forgive, not because it’s easy, but because it brings freedom to our hearts and our families. Guide us in setting healthy boundaries while extending grace to others, as You have extended grace to us. Thank You for Your love and the peace You offer.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.
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