Life has a way of humbling you when you least expect it. For years, we lived with purpose and a clear direction—or so we thought. Then, in what felt like a moment, everything shifted, leaving us scrambling to pick up the pieces. This post isn’t about tying everything up in a neat little bow. We’re still very much in the process of rebuilding our lives. But I want to share what this journey looks like—raw, messy, and real—and how we’re learning to grow as a family through it all.
The Moment It Fell Apart
For over two decades, Matt carried his minister’s license. It wasn’t just a credential; it represented his calling and became a cornerstone of our lives. In 2021, when we felt the Lord leading us to pastor a small church in Montana, it felt like everything was falling into place. Working for the Lord in that capacity was something we always wanted, filled with both challenges and triumphs.
But life rarely follows a straight path. In Montana, Matt made a mistake that cost him his license, shaking the foundation of our lives. The weight of that loss hit us hard, forcing him to confront questions he didn’t have answers to: Who was he without that identity? How could we move forward as a family?
As if that weren’t enough, financial struggles forced us to leave Montana and return to Oklahoma. The move felt like defeat, as if everything we had worked for had crumbled beneath us. Moving back in with my parents—something we’ve had to do more than once in our 12 years of marriage—required a level of humility we weren’t sure we had in us to summon yet again.
In those moments, we felt like failures—sometimes, we still do. But we’re learning to show ourselves the same grace the Lord so freely gives. It’s a daily process, but that grace is what keeps us holding on and moving forward.
Rebuilding is a Choice
Hitting rock bottom brings an overwhelming temptation to stay there. Letting the pain consume you feels easier than facing the daunting climb out. When we were isolated in Montana—far from family support and grappling with the aftermath of Matt’s mistake—the weight of it all felt suffocating, as if being consumed was inevitable.
For our family, though, staying down was not an option. We committed to making changes—not just to our circumstances, but to our hearts, priorities, and vision for the future. Matt’s mistake painfully exposed a disconnect between us that we could no longer ignore. Addressing that divide became a necessary part of rebuilding and moving forward.
Rebuilding Trust, One Step at a Time
When everything finally came to light, the revelation hit like a tidal wave. I hadn’t seen it coming, and the weight of it left me reeling. I found myself questioning how we had strayed so far off track and wondering what we could have done differently.
Healing wasn’t just about addressing the mistake itself—the loss of Matt’s license, the move, or the ripple effects on our family. It also forced us to confront the deep wound of broken trust. Knowing that something so significant had been hidden from me cut deeper than I was prepared for, and it created additional friction between us that we couldn’t ignore.
While Matt and I worked through the fallout in our own ways, I wrestled with feelings of betrayal and sadness. Rebuilding wasn’t just about moving forward; it became a process of repairing trust, piece by fragile piece. Hurt like that doesn’t fade overnight. It demands time, honesty, and an enormous amount of grace—for him, for myself, and for us together.
Even with the challenges, we chose to see this season as an opportunity—a chance to reset, refocus, and rebuild. The path hasn’t been easy, but it has required us to let go of the need to have all the answers and instead commit to taking one step at a time, one day at a time, always together.
What Rebuilding Looks Like for Us
Rebuilding isn’t glamorous. It’s messy, raw, and often filled with hard conversations and uncomfortable truths. There have been more tears than I can count. But even in the midst of all that, this season has also brought glimpses of grace, hope, and growth that remind us why we’re fighting to move forward.
Here’s what this journey looks like for us right now:
1. Focusing on Family First
Our family has become the foundation of everything we’re rebuilding. That means learning to show up for each other even when emotions are high and wounds are fresh. We’ve had to be intentional about creating routines that bring stability to our kids, even on days when Matt and I are struggling with our own emotions.
Open and honest communication has become non-negotiable. We talk with our kids about the challenges we’re facing in age-appropriate ways, and Matt and I are working hard to model what it looks like to face struggles together, with honesty and humility.
2. Rebuilding Trust in Our Marriage
The hardest part of this season has been the work Matt and I have done as a couple. Rebuilding trust after it breaks requires immense effort. The hurt cuts deep, and we’ve both had to confront it directly.
This process demands constant listening, unwavering honesty, and a shared commitment to rebuild our relationship piece by piece. Forgiveness isn’t something you choose once; it’s a decision we make every day. Some days feel easier than others, but we remain determined to move forward together, even when the path feels challenging.
The Hidden Struggles Behind the Scenes
Matt and I have been married for 12 years, a journey marked by highs, lows, and everything in between. The mistake that happened wasn’t small; it was the kind of event that can tear couples apart. To clarify, this wasn’t infidelity or anything of that sort. It stemmed from a series of poor financial decisions and compromised choices, made because Matt found himself in a position where he was forced to choose between meeting our family’s needs and doing what was right.
The pain it caused created distance, fueled resentment and brought heartbreak that seemed impossible to overcome.
These struggles often remain hidden from the outside world. To others, we might appear as though we have it all together. People assume everything is fine because we’ve learned how to show up, smile, and keep moving forward. The reality, however, is far different. There were moments when we were barely holding on—moments when the weight of it all felt crushing and left us questioning whether we could make it through.
Facing the Pain and Choosing to Stay
What made it even harder were the comments and beliefs tied to the idea that, as a married couple, we are “one.” While I respect and understand the biblical foundation of that unity, it was said that Matt’s mistake was my mistake too. But I can’t fully agree with that. His actions were his own, and while they deeply impacted us both, they weren’t something I caused or participated in. That belief added a layer of pain I wasn’t prepared for and made an already difficult situation even more complicated.
By the grace of God and the foundation laid by our upbringing, we somehow managed to hold it all together. But that doesn’t mean it was easy—far from it. There were moments when it felt like we were hanging on by a thread, moments when one or both of us thought about walking away. There were nights of silence, days filled with tension, and times when we wondered if we had anything left to give to each other.
Yet, through it all, we kept choosing to stay. To fight for what we had built. To believe that healing was possible, even when it felt out of reach. Holding it together didn’t mean pretending everything was perfect. It meant being willing to face the broken pieces and work together to rebuild them—no matter how messy or painful the process might be.
3. Setting Long-Term Goals
We have focused on moving forward by setting clear, tangible goals for the future. For us, this means achieving financial freedom, planning for a home of our own, and building a strong foundation for our kids’ futures.
The road ahead feels overwhelming at times. The distance between where we are and where we want to be can seem daunting. But these goals keep us grounded and provide a sense of direction. They give us something to work toward as a family, even when challenges arise.
This journey has also driven us to share openly about the raw, unfiltered reality of raising kids and navigating life’s hardships. Many versions of our story have been shared from different perspectives. While we understand those perspectives exist, we feel strongly about sharing our journey in our own voice.
Our intention is not to stir hurt or cause division but to offer honesty about where we are and how we are working to rebuild. Through transparency, we hope to encourage others who might feel alone in their struggles. If there’s one thing we’ve learned, it’s that connection and healing come from stepping into the light, even when it feels uncomfortable.
4. Leaning Into Faith
Our faith has endured challenges we never anticipated. Trusting God as life falls apart hasn’t been easy, but it has grounded and anchored us throughout this season.
We place our trust in Him, even when the “why” remains unclear. Prayer and scripture provide daily reminders of His grace and strength, becoming essential for not only rebuilding our lives but also healing our hearts.
Matt and I have always leaned toward introversion, but the events we’ve faced have caused us to retreat even further. Letting people into our lives feels riskier now, knowing how easily relationships can unintentionally cause hurt. Right now, we are prioritizing what matters most: the physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being of our family and its future.
If we seem less present or show up differently than we once did, please know it’s not about anyone else. We are intentionally creating the space we need to heal and regroup as a family. This season demands our full attention, and we deeply appreciate the patience and understanding of those who care about us.
The Lessons We’re Learning
This season has been filled with hard-earned lessons:
- Grace Matters: We’ve had to learn to extend grace to ourselves and each other. Mistakes don’t define us—how we choose to move forward does.
- Humility Is a Gift: Living with my parents again has been humbling, but it’s also reminded us of the power of starting over with help.
- Trust Takes Time: Rebuilding trust isn’t a quick process. It’s built through consistent actions, honesty, and a willingness to confront the hard stuff together.
- Faith Isn’t Easy, but It’s Worth It: Trusting God through uncertainty is challenging, but it’s also what sustains us when everything else feels shaky.
A Work in Progress
We haven’t reached the finish line yet. Truthfully, I’m not even sure what the finish line looks like. What I do know is this: rebuilding doesn’t require perfection. It demands showing up every day, even when it’s hard. It’s about choosing hope over despair and consistently taking small, intentional steps forward.
If you’re in a season of rebuilding, remember—you’re not alone. The process is messy and painful, but it also holds the potential for growth, healing, and grace. Let’s navigate this journey together, one step at a time.
A Season of Healing and Hope
This season of life has been heavy, but it’s also been one of reflection, growth, and hope. We’re learning that rebuilding doesn’t happen overnight—it’s a series of small, deliberate steps. And while the process isn’t easy, it’s teaching us the value of grace, perseverance, and faith.
If you’re in a season of rebuilding, whether it’s your marriage, your family, or even just yourself, know that you’re not alone. Healing is possible, even in the messiest and most painful moments. Lean into grace, take it one step at a time, and remember that progress, no matter how small, is still progress.
Let’s keep the conversation going! If this post resonated with you, you might also find these resources helpful:
We’d love to hear from you—what’s been your greatest lesson in seasons of rebuilding? Share in the comments or connect with us through the links above. Together, we can find strength and encouragement for the journey ahead. ❤️
