conflict
Family Journey

Behind Closed Doors: How to Turn Conflict into Strength

by Denise Wright

In Part 1, we discussed the pressures of constant togetherness. Part 2 tackled the impacts of overstimulation, while Part 3 focused on managing the friction that comes with living, working, and parenting under one roof. But now, let’s shift gears and talk about the silver lining—the growth that comes from navigating conflict. Because, believe it or not, conflict doesn’t have to be a relationship killer. In fact, it can actually help you grow stronger as a couple, if you let it.

Conflict is a natural part of any relationship, and in our house, it feels like it’s almost inevitable. But as we’ve learned over time, how we handle the conflict matters far more than the conflict itself. It’s easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment and let frustration or miscommunication drive a wedge between us, but the truth is, those moments of tension don’t have to define us. Instead, they can be opportunities to deepen our connection and strengthen our understanding of each other.

Turning Conflict into Connection

One of the biggest lessons we’ve learned, and perhaps are still learning, is that conflict can be an opportunity for understanding. When friction arises, it’s easy to see it as a sign of failure, like something is wrong with the relationship. But the reality is, it’s just part of the process. Every time we argue, we learn something new about ourselves and each other. We start to recognize patterns in our communication, discover the things that trigger us, and learn how to respond better in the future.

Take that time when Matt and I had the whole “Ethan didn’t get in trouble because I didn’t hear him” situation. It could’ve been just another fight that left us frustrated and distant. But we chose to dig deeper. Instead of just arguing, we took a moment to pause and reflect on why we were reacting the way we were. I realized that it wasn’t just about what happened in the moment—it was about feeling overstimulated, stressed, and unable to communicate effectively. Once we recognized that, we were able to see the situation through a different lens. And just like that, a fight turned into a moment of growth and understanding.

Communication: The Key to Avoiding Conflict

It’s no surprise that communication is the key to turning conflict into growth. It’s the cornerstone of every strong relationship. But, let’s be real—communication doesn’t always come easily. Especially when you’re both overstimulated or frustrated. It can feel like every word out of your mouth is a potential landmine. But even when things are heated, we’ve learned that taking a step back and communicating calmly can prevent the friction from escalating.

When we’re in the middle of a disagreement, we recognize that it could be helpful to start checking in with each other. Asking questions like, “What’s really bothering you here?” or “How can I help?” could be a great way to shift the focus from winning the argument to understanding each other’s perspectives. I’ll admit, we don’t always do this—but I can see how it would make a huge difference in navigating conflict. It’s not always easy (sometimes it feels like trying to speak two different languages), but this approach could help us connect better, especially when emotions are running high.

Humility and Apologizing: The Secret to Healing

Another key lesson we’re learning is the importance of humility in conflict. I’m not talking about being a doormat, but about recognizing when you’ve been wrong or when your actions have contributed to the friction. For me, this has been a huge eye-opener. Growing up, I wasn’t exactly taught conflict resolution skills, and I was surrounded by people who didn’t often acknowledge when they were wrong or apologize. As a result, I didn’t always see the value in owning up to my mistakes. Over time, though, I’ve learned that taking responsibility doesn’t make me weak—it actually makes me stronger. It’s a sign of maturity and growth in the relationship.

Matt and I are both guilty of letting our pride get in the way sometimes. But we’ve learned that swallowing our pride and offering a sincere apology can go a long way in healing the hurt and rebuilding the bond. When I’ve messed up, I now make a conscious effort to apologize and take responsibility. And when Matt does the same, I’m reminded that we’re in this together—not as opponents, but as a team. It’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it.

Laughing Through the Tension

Now, I know we’ve been talking about heavy stuff, but here’s the good news—laughter can be a great tool for easing the tension during conflict. As intense as things can get, sometimes we just need to stop, take a deep breath, and laugh at how ridiculous we’re being. If we’ve argued about something silly—like the TV remote, or who left the laundry on the floor again—it helps to take a step back and laugh at ourselves.

Looking Ahead: Continuing to Grow Together

The bottom line is that conflict doesn’t have to tear us apart. If we approach it with humility, patience, and a commitment to understanding, it can bring us closer together. Conflict and friction are inevitable in any relationship, but how we handle them can either strengthen or weaken the bond we share. We’re still learning, still growing, and still figuring it out as we go, but with each disagreement, we grow stronger, more connected, and more resilient as a couple.

In the next post, we’ll wrap up this series by sharing the lessons we’ve learned about navigating life’s challenges together. We’ll talk about how we’re continuing to grow as a family, how we deal with conflict on a daily basis, and how we make space for joy—even in the middle of the chaos.

overstimulation
Family Journey

Behind Closed Doors: How to Manage Friction at Home

by Denise Wright

Part 3: Managing Friction Without Letting It Define You

In Part 1, we talked about the pressures of constant togetherness, and in Part 2, we explored how overstimulation can lead to all kinds of stress. But now, let’s get into the heart of the matter: friction. You know, those moments where the small stuff turns into big stuff, and suddenly, you’re arguing over who left the socks in the hallway like it’s the end of the world. We’ve all been there, right?!

Friction is inevitable in any relationship, especially when you’re living, working, and homeschooling together under the same roof 24/7. It’s like having a constant buzz of static in the background that only gets louder when everything else is stressful. But here’s the good news: even though friction happens, it doesn’t have to control us. We can handle it without letting it define our relationship.

Recognizing the Source of Friction (It’s Not the Socks)

The first thing we’ve learned is that recognizing the source of friction is crucial. And no, it’s not the socks—although sometimes it sure feels like it! The truth is, the small things that set us off are usually just the tip of the iceberg. It’s not about the missing TV remote or who forgot to take out the trash; it’s usually a buildup of everything else—the overstimulation, the stress of work, and the lack of personal space.

For example, that fight over the lens wipes? It wasn’t about the lens wipes. It was about the fact that we’ve both been running on empty, and suddenly, that little inconvenience was the final straw. We’ve had to remind ourselves that friction often comes from the build-up of everything we’re not addressing. The key is realizing that before it explodes into something bigger than it needs to be.

Communicating Through the Friction (Before It Turns into World War III)

friction

One of the hardest lessons I’ve learned is that when the friction heats up, communication is the best tool to diffuse it. If we’re not careful, frustration can build so quickly that we start snapping at each other over things that don’t really matter. Take the time I was playing with Ethan, being silly, and singing along to a song to make him laugh. I had my headphones in, dancing away, when suddenly Addison started getting obnoxiously loud in the other room. Ethan, of course, yelled at her to “shut up,” which led me to get onto him. I was frustrated because he could’ve handled it better.

Well, some time passed, and the same thing happened again, but this time I didn’t hear Ethan yell. Matt, who was trying to work from the other room, came into the kitchen to get on to Ethan about it. Later, Matt asked me why I hadn’t said anything to Ethan. I told him that I had, but in reality, I hadn’t. I just wasn’t thinking clearly after already being overstimulated and stressed from a previous disagreement with Matt which led me to getting defensive.

Admitting You Messed Up is Hard Sometimes

Matt kept asking why I hadn’t gotten onto Ethan, and eventually, I admitted that I hadn’t heard him that time. It seemed simple enough, but instead of just letting it go, we found ourselves in a back-and-forth argument over something that should’ve been a quick fix. And just like that, what started as a silly, lighthearted moment of play quickly spiraled into frustration.

This is where communication becomes crucial—especially when we’re both overstimulated. Instead of letting our frustrations take over, we have to learn to slow down and talk about how we’re feeling. It’s not always easy, but saying something like, “I’m really overwhelmed, can we hit pause for a second?” helps us reset before we start going at each other like we’re in a boxing ring.

Confessing My Faults

I’ll be the first to admit it: I’m really bad at communicating—about 90% of the time. Whether in calm moments or heated ones, sometimes the words that come out of my mouth aren’t even close to what I meant to say. If I can’t rehearse what I want to say beforehand, it’s almost guaranteed that I’ll end up in a jumbled mess of words and probably trouble. Take, for example, a time I testified at a church event. What I meant to express was that I felt thankful, despite never seeing myself as a pastor’s wife. I wanted to say that God had given me a burden for the souls He’d entrusted to us.

What came out, though? Well, apparently it sounded very different. Members later told me that they interpreted my testimony as if I was saying they were a burden. Talk about a facepalm moment. I honestly wish I’d rehearsed what I wanted to say because, like I said, if I don’t prepare beforehand, I might as well stay silent. It’s definitely left me a little timid about impulsive public speaking, so if I ever seem quiet—yeah, that’s probably why.

What Was I Saying…?

When it comes to communicating how I feel or what I think, my thoughts rarely come out the way I mean them, which gets me into trouble more often than not. This is also why blogging comes so much easier to me—because I can sit down, type out my thoughts, and meticulously go over them until they make sense. In person, though? Not so much. I’ve learned that my memory is awful most of the time, so I’ll say something—or even type something—and then forget where I was going with it. This happens all the time, and I mean all the time.

Take, for example, my recent trip to the salon. I was telling my stylist about how my grandfather’s hair went completely white in his twenties. Well, that was my point, anyway. I started talking, and then suddenly went completely blank. I just looked at her and said, “I forgot what I was saying,” and then, thankfully, she reminded me, and I was able to finish my thought. It’s bad, y’all.

Setting Boundaries to Prevent Escalation (Taking a “Break” Doesn’t Mean Giving Up)

When the friction gets too much to handle, we’ve found it’s important to set some boundaries. And by boundaries, I mean taking a break. I know, I know—it sounds like we’re avoiding the problem, but actually, giving ourselves a break helps us address the issue without letting it spiral out of control.

When Matt and I hit that boiling point, we’ve learned that it’s okay to say, “Let’s take some time and come back to this.” Whether that means stepping outside, grabbing a quick coffee, or locking ourselves in the bathroom for a moment of peace (I’m not above that), a little distance can do wonders. It gives us time to calm down, think clearly, and avoid saying things we’ll regret.

Keeping the Big Picture in Mind (It’s Not the End of the World)

Finally, we’ve learned that it’s essential to keep the big picture in mind when the friction is at its peak. In the heat of the moment, it feels like the whole world is falling apart, but when we take a step back, we realize that it’s just a bump in the road. We aren’t actually each others enemy. This is just something we need to slow down and work through.

I’ll be the first to admit how easy that sounds when everything is currently smooth sailing. And I’d probably roll my eyes at hearing that said to me when I’m in the middle of those kinds of moments. I’m in a work in progress. And I do love and appreciate my husband deeply.

I can’t tell you how many times we’ve had arguments that felt like the end of the world, only to laugh about it later. The small annoyances, the miscommunications, and the little things that cause friction? They’re just part of living together. The key is not to let them define us. We’ve learned to remind each other that our relationship is built on love and trust, and those small issues don’t take away from that.

Looking Ahead: Turning Friction into Growth

In the next post, Part 4: Growing Stronger Through Conflict, we’ll dive into how conflict and friction can actually strengthen our relationship if we handle it the right way. We’ll share the tools we’ve learned to turn these moments of tension into opportunities for growth, understanding, and better communication. It’s not always easy, but with patience and a little humor, we’re learning how to handle it all together.

overstimulation
Family Foundations

Behind Closed Doors: How to Handle Overstimulation

by Denise Wright

Part 2: How to Handle Overstimulation

In Part 2, we’re diving into how overstimulation —whether from parenting, work, or the constant demands of daily life—can impact our relationships. We’ll also share what we’re doing to handle it (spoiler alert: it’s not always pretty). If you’ve been following the series, you know that in Part 1, we explored the pressures of constant togetherness and the friction it creates in our relationships. If you haven’t read it yet, I highly recommend starting there. It will help you understand the foundation of the tension we’re navigating as a family.

The Impact it Has On Relationships

Ever feel like your nerves are about to short-circuit? Either by the endless demands of parenting, working from home, and balancing everything else? You’re definitely not alone. Overstimulation is the real deal, and when it hits, it feels like you’re constantly running on empty. For Matt and me, this is all too familiar. We both get overwhelmed by the sheer volume of life happening around us. Before we know it, small annoyances turn into big problems—think “snapping over the missing TV remote” level problems.

When we’re overstimulated, everything feels like it’s turned up to 11. I’m talking about that moment when you feel like you’re about to lose it. Like just one more interruption will make you burst into a thousand tiny pieces. It’s not that spending the entire day with Matt is the issue—honestly, we could be together all day and it would be totally fine. The problem is when everyone else in the house interrupts our flow. Interruptions are fine, but when you’re overstimulated, even the smallest disruption feels like the last straw.

The Breaking Point: When Small Things Turn into Big Problems

overstimulation

When overstimulation takes over, it’s like your whole world shifts in an instant. One minute, you’re fine, and the next, you’re mentally screaming, “I CAN’T DO ONE MORE THING!” You’re trying to focus on a task, and then bam—the kids are fighting over who gets to be what character in a game, or someone needs something right now. Suddenly, your mind feels like it’s short-circuiting. The constant noise, the interruptions, the endless to-do list—it all builds up, and before you know it, you’ve snapped. And then, of course, you feel like a jerk for reacting the way you did, but sometimes it’s just too much.

Real Life Examples of Overstimulated Parents

And Matt? He’s in the same boat. When we’re both running on empty, even the simplest exchanges quickly turn into big arguments. For example, I ask him to pass me a couple of lens wipes while he’s working. When I hear what sounds like frustration in his sigh, I automatically assume he’s irritated. I snap, “Never mind, I’ll figure it out myself.” He responds, “You didn’t even give me a chance to respond!” Small things spiral out of control when we’re both overstimulated.

Then there’s the time Matt’s been dealing with the kids arguing all day. I finally get them to bed, only for others in the house to bring more issues our way—things that aren’t ours to solve. I ask, “Is there anything I can do to help?” but before he can fully express how overwhelmed he feels, I interrupt, trying to correct him. “It’s not like that, Matt.” Naturally, that makes things worse. He says, “I can’t even tell you how I’m feeling without you telling me why I shouldn’t feel that way.” When both of us are overstimulated and running on fumes, the miscommunication snowballs into something much bigger than it needs to be.

Recognizing When You’ve Hit Your Limit with Overstimulation

It’s tricky to recognize when you’re overstimulated. It’s like that moment in a TV show when a character faces an intense situation, and you realize you’ve been holding your breath. Then, you suddenly gasp for air—thinking it will help, even though it doesn’t. The problem is, you didn’t even realize you were holding your breath. When we’re both overstimulated, we often forget to pause and check in with each other. Instead, we try to power through, thinking, “We just need to get through this.” But the reality is, we’re both reaching our limits. Instead of addressing it, we push on—and that’s when things start to spiral.

The best way we’ve found to deal with overstimulation is to hit pause. I know, easier said than done, but we’ve learned we have to recognize it before it explodes. When we feel overwhelmed, we need to communicate that. Even if it’s just saying, “I’m about to lose my mind, can we take a quick break?”. It’s not a perfect system, but recognizing when we’re overstimulated before things spiral has helped us more times than I can count.

Where it gets us in trouble is when we acknowledge it and don’t pause because we are right in the middle of a pressing issue or at least it feels pressing because we’ve been trying to accomplish that one thing for hours now.

How We’re Managing Overstimulation

So, how do we manage overstimulation when life keeps coming at us fast? Well, it’s not magic, but here’s what’s been working (and by “working,” I mean it helps most days, but it’s definitely still a learning process):

  • Setting Boundaries for Downtime: We’ve started setting clear boundaries around when we need quiet time. This might mean one of us takes a walk alone or just spends 15 minutes in a room by themselves to unwind. Even a short break can reset our brains and help us think clearly. I’m not saying a full spa day (though that would be nice), just a quick breather so we don’t go completely bonkers.
  • Checking in with Each Other: Communication is key! We try to ask each other how we’re doing throughout the day. Are we both feeling overwhelmed? Do we need to divide up responsibilities? A simple check-in goes a long way in preventing one of us from blowing up over something small (like the fact that the laundry basket is too full—again).
  • Taking Small Breaks: “Me time” isn’t always easy to find, but it’s important. We carve out small moments during the day to recharge. Go to the store alone? Yes, please. Stepping outside for five minutes of fresh air? Absolutely. These mini-breaks make a world of difference, even if they’re short.
  • Understanding It’s Okay to Not Be Perfect: Overstimulation can make you feel like you’re failing as a parent or partner. But we’ve learned that struggling sometimes is okay. We don’t need to handle everything perfectly. It’s okay to ask for help, take breaks, and lean on each other when needed. We’re in this together—imperfections and all.

Looking Ahead: Moving Past Overstimulation

The reality of overstimulation is something many parents face, especially in high-stress situations like working from home and living with extended family. But it doesn’t have to control us. By recognizing the signs of overstimulation and making space for rest, we’re learning how to navigate these challenges more effectively.

In the next post, Part 3: Managing Friction Without Letting It Define You, we’ll explore how to handle the moments when the tension reaches its peak. We’ll dive into how we’re working through our conflicts and finding better ways to communicate so that the friction doesn’t define our relationship. It’s not always easy, but we’re taking it one step at a time, and we’ll share the lessons we’ve learned along the way.