Behind Closed Doors: How to Turn Conflict into Strength

In Part 1, we discussed the pressures of constant togetherness. Part 2 tackled the impacts of overstimulation, while Part 3 focused on managing the friction that comes with living, working, and parenting under one roof. But now, let’s shift gears and talk about the silver lining—the growth that comes from navigating conflict. Because, believe it or not, conflict doesn’t have to be a relationship killer. In fact, it can actually help you grow stronger as a couple, if you let it.

Conflict is a natural part of any relationship, and in our house, it feels like it’s almost inevitable. But as we’ve learned over time, how we handle the conflict matters far more than the conflict itself. It’s easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment and let frustration or miscommunication drive a wedge between us, but the truth is, those moments of tension don’t have to define us. Instead, they can be opportunities to deepen our connection and strengthen our understanding of each other.

Turning Conflict into Connection

One of the biggest lessons we’ve learned, and perhaps are still learning, is that conflict can be an opportunity for understanding. When friction arises, it’s easy to see it as a sign of failure, like something is wrong with the relationship. But the reality is, it’s just part of the process. Every time we argue, we learn something new about ourselves and each other. We start to recognize patterns in our communication, discover the things that trigger us, and learn how to respond better in the future.

Take that time when Matt and I had the whole “Ethan didn’t get in trouble because I didn’t hear him” situation. It could’ve been just another fight that left us frustrated and distant. But we chose to dig deeper. Instead of just arguing, we took a moment to pause and reflect on why we were reacting the way we were. I realized that it wasn’t just about what happened in the moment—it was about feeling overstimulated, stressed, and unable to communicate effectively. Once we recognized that, we were able to see the situation through a different lens. And just like that, a fight turned into a moment of growth and understanding.

Communication: The Key to Avoiding Conflict

It’s no surprise that communication is the key to turning conflict into growth. It’s the cornerstone of every strong relationship. But, let’s be real—communication doesn’t always come easily. Especially when you’re both overstimulated or frustrated. It can feel like every word out of your mouth is a potential landmine. But even when things are heated, we’ve learned that taking a step back and communicating calmly can prevent the friction from escalating.

When we’re in the middle of a disagreement, we recognize that it could be helpful to start checking in with each other. Asking questions like, “What’s really bothering you here?” or “How can I help?” could be a great way to shift the focus from winning the argument to understanding each other’s perspectives. I’ll admit, we don’t always do this—but I can see how it would make a huge difference in navigating conflict. It’s not always easy (sometimes it feels like trying to speak two different languages), but this approach could help us connect better, especially when emotions are running high.

Humility and Apologizing: The Secret to Healing

Another key lesson we’re learning is the importance of humility in conflict. I’m not talking about being a doormat, but about recognizing when you’ve been wrong or when your actions have contributed to the friction. For me, this has been a huge eye-opener. Growing up, I wasn’t exactly taught conflict resolution skills, and I was surrounded by people who didn’t often acknowledge when they were wrong or apologize. As a result, I didn’t always see the value in owning up to my mistakes. Over time, though, I’ve learned that taking responsibility doesn’t make me weak—it actually makes me stronger. It’s a sign of maturity and growth in the relationship.

Matt and I are both guilty of letting our pride get in the way sometimes. But we’ve learned that swallowing our pride and offering a sincere apology can go a long way in healing the hurt and rebuilding the bond. When I’ve messed up, I now make a conscious effort to apologize and take responsibility. And when Matt does the same, I’m reminded that we’re in this together—not as opponents, but as a team. It’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it.

Laughing Through the Tension

Now, I know we’ve been talking about heavy stuff, but here’s the good news—laughter can be a great tool for easing the tension during conflict. As intense as things can get, sometimes we just need to stop, take a deep breath, and laugh at how ridiculous we’re being. If we’ve argued about something silly—like the TV remote, or who left the laundry on the floor again—it helps to take a step back and laugh at ourselves.

Looking Ahead: Continuing to Grow Together

The bottom line is that conflict doesn’t have to tear us apart. If we approach it with humility, patience, and a commitment to understanding, it can bring us closer together. Conflict and friction are inevitable in any relationship, but how we handle them can either strengthen or weaken the bond we share. We’re still learning, still growing, and still figuring it out as we go, but with each disagreement, we grow stronger, more connected, and more resilient as a couple.

In the next post, we’ll wrap up this series by sharing the lessons we’ve learned about navigating life’s challenges together. We’ll talk about how we’re continuing to grow as a family, how we deal with conflict on a daily basis, and how we make space for joy—even in the middle of the chaos.