Parenting isn’t for the faint of heart, is it? From sleepless nights to the whirlwind of emotions that come with raising kids, every day can feel like an experiment. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned as a mom, it’s that consistency in parenting is a game-changer. It’s so important it’s included in our very first podcast releasing January 6, 2025!
It’s not always easy, and I’ll be the first to admit that my husband Matt and I still struggle with it from time to time. But when we’ve leaned into consistency—whether it’s with routines, rules, or expectations—the results have been undeniable. It brings stability to our family life and, more importantly, helps our kids feel secure.
In this post, I’ll share why consistency matters, how it benefits your kids (and your sanity), and practical ways to stay consistent, even when life gets hectic.
What Does Consistency in Parenting Look Like?
Consistency doesn’t mean you have to become a drill sergeant or run your household like a boot camp. It’s about setting clear expectations and following through on them—whether that’s with discipline, daily routines, or how you react to your kids’ behavior.
Here’s a simple example from our home: Bedtime. If we let bedtime slide by even 30 minutes, it throws off the entire night and, honestly, the next morning too. Consistency in our bedtime routine—wind down time, brushing teeth, hugs & kisses, bed—gives our kids the structure they need to wind down and sleep peacefully.
It’s not about being perfect; it’s about being predictable.
Why Consistency in Parenting Matters
1. Kids Thrive on Routine
Have you ever noticed how much smoother the day goes when your kids know what to expect? Routines provide a sense of security and help kids navigate their world with confidence.
For example, when our daughter Addison knows that Sundays mean family dinner and time with her older girl cousins, she has something to look forward to. It’s a small thing, but it makes her feel grounded and safe.
Consistency has been a challenge for us over the years, but it’s something we’re striving to improve on every single day. The reason it’s been such a struggle is a long story, but in short, we’ve moved houses so often throughout our kids’ lives that it’s felt like hitting the reset button every time. Each move has meant establishing new routines, adjusting to a new environment, and trying to blend our family dynamic with the dynamics of living with extended family. It’s been tough, but we’re learning and growing together.
2. Consistency Builds Trust
When you’re consistent, your kids know they can rely on you. Whether it’s sticking to a rule or keeping your promise, consistency builds trust and strengthens your relationship.
There have been times when I’ve had to remind myself that “no” has to mean “no,” even when it’s easier to give in. It’s hard in the moment, but it’s worth it when your kids learn that your words have weight.
Just this past week, while we had family visiting for the holidays, Addison and Ethan couldn’t stop bickering. Tensions were high, and with so many people around, it was hard to intervene effectively. Finally, I had enough and told them both that if they didn’t start treating each other with kindness and stop yelling, there would be consequences. In our house, that usually means a spanking—though it’s not a common occurrence, it has been necessary on rare occasions.
They both responded with their “Yes, ma’am’s,” but not much later, chaos erupted again. It felt like I was watching it unfold in slow motion, powerless to stop it in time. I was right in the middle of preparing the last dish for Christmas dinner when I put the knife down, turned around, and without hesitation, said to Addison, “I told you there would be consequences for screaming at your brother. I promised.”
As much as I hated it, I stopped everything, took her to her room, and gave her a small spanking. And you know what? It worked. They stopped screaming at each other after that.
It wasn’t a moment I enjoyed, but it was a reminder that when we set boundaries and follow through, it helps create a sense of structure and accountability.
3. It Reduces Anxiety
Uncertainty can be overwhelming for kids, especially when they’re little. Clear expectations and consistent reactions help reduce their anxiety. They don’t have to guess how you’ll respond or whether the rules will change.
Matt and I have seen this firsthand with our son Ethan. When we’re consistent with screen time rules, he’s less likely to push boundaries because he knows exactly what’s allowed and what isn’t.
How to Be Consistent Without Feeling Overwhelmed
1. Start Small
Don’t try to overhaul your entire parenting style overnight. Focus on one area where consistency could make the biggest impact, like bedtime routines or screen time limits.
Matt was sharing with me just the other day about a book he’s been listening to called The Slight Edge. The concept of the book is simple yet powerful: it emphasizes how successful people don’t necessarily make giant, life-altering changes all at once. Instead, they focus on being consistent in the small, seemingly insignificant things. Over time, these small, consistent actions create a ripple effect, ultimately building a strong foundation for a better future.
It’s not about perfection or big wins—it’s about the daily habits that may feel mundane or even trivial in the moment. Brushing your teeth, exercising for just 15 minutes a day, choosing water over soda—all of these small decisions compound over time, leading to big results. And the same principle applies to parenting.
For example, consistently setting aside 10 minutes each day to talk with your child or sticking to a bedtime routine might not feel groundbreaking in the moment. But over time, these consistent actions build trust, security, and stronger family bonds. The Slight Edge teaches us that success—whether in parenting, career, or personal goals—isn’t about the big leaps; it’s about the small steps we take every single day.
Hearing Matt talk about the book was a reminder for me to look at my own parenting through that lens. It’s easy to get caught up in wanting to fix everything all at once, especially when chaos seems to take over. But the truth is, real change comes from those small, intentional actions we take consistently. It’s a humbling realization, but also a hopeful one. Because when you focus on the little things, you’re not just getting through the day—you’re planting seeds for a brighter future for yourself and your family.
2. Communicate Clearly
Make sure your kids know what the rules and expectations are. Use age-appropriate language and explain the “why” behind your decisions.
For example, we’ve told our kids that limiting screen time isn’t about punishment—it’s about making sure they have time for other activities, like playing outside or doing crafts.
Don’t get me wrong—there are times when we give instructions and the kids, not liking what they hear, ask, “Why?” And let’s be honest, in those moments when we’re in the middle of our own thoughts or feeling overstimulated, we might default to the age-old response: “Because I said so.” And you know what? That’s okay… sometimes.
But most of the time, kids need to understand why we’re asking them to do—or not do—something. Why is that important? Well, because they’re still learning about life, how things work, and how to navigate the world. Curious minds are strong minds. And when we take the time to explain, we’re encouraging that curiosity, which is a critical part of their development.
Teaching them to question and seek understanding helps them grow into independent thinkers. It also sets the stage for a future where they don’t just accept everything at face value. Without that curiosity, they may grow up believing everything they hear simply because “someone said so.” So yes, sometimes “because I said so” is enough, but most times, it’s worth pausing to give them the why they’re searching for.
3. Involve Your Partner
Consistency works best when both parents are on the same page. Sit down with your partner and agree on the rules, consequences, and routines you want to prioritize.
Matt and I didn’t always do this well. In the early days of parenting, we’d accidentally send mixed messages to the kids because we hadn’t communicated with each other first. Now, we make it a point to have regular “parent meetings” to stay aligned.
Tell me your kids haven’t learned to work the system of going to mom, but if she says no, go to dad? Yeah… name me a kid who hasn’t tried that at least once. Be on the SAME PAGE!
4. Be Flexible When Needed
Consistency doesn’t mean rigidity. Life happens—there will be days when routines go out the window, and that’s okay. The key is to get back on track as soon as possible.
One summer, we took a last-minute road trip that completely derailed our usual schedules. Instead of stressing, we embraced the chaos and returned to our normal routines once we got home.
Common Challenges (and How to Overcome Them)
1. Feeling Like the Bad Guy
It’s tough to enforce rules when your kids are upset about them. But remember, consistency is an act of love. You’re teaching your kids important life skills, even if they don’t appreciate it in the moment.
2. Burnout
Parenting is exhausting, and staying consistent can feel like just one more thing on your plate. Give yourself grace, and don’t be afraid to lean on your partner, friends, or even a parenting group for support.
3. Pushback from Kids
Kids will test limits—it’s part of their job description. Stay calm, stand your ground, and remind yourself that consistency now will pay off in the long run.
Practical Tips for Creating Rules and Routines
- Use Visual Aids: A simple chart or calendar can help younger kids remember their daily routines.
- Set Clear Consequences: Be specific about what will happen if rules aren’t followed, and STICK TO IT!
- Celebrate Wins: Acknowledge when your kids follow the rules or stick to a routine. Positive reinforcement goes a long way.
The Long-Term Benefits of Consistency in Parenting
When you’re consistent, you’re not just making life easier today—you’re setting your kids up for success in the future. They’ll grow up with a strong sense of responsibility, self-discipline, and respect for others.
Parenting is hard work, in fact, the hardest job on the planet! But the effort you put into being consistent will pay off in the form of confident, well-adjusted kids.
Moving Forward Together
Consistency in parenting isn’t about being perfect—it’s about showing up, day after day, with love and intention. It’s about teaching your kids that they can trust you and that they are safe in the structure you provide.
So, parents, let’s commit to being consistent, not just for our kids but for ourselves. The journey might be challenging, but the rewards are worth it.
Need more parenting tips? Check out our post on 10 Tips for Strengthening Family Bonds.
