work-life balance - Our Family Experiement

Part 2: How to Handle Overstimulation

In Part 2, we’re diving into how overstimulation —whether from parenting, work, or the constant demands of daily life—can impact our relationships. We’ll also share what we’re doing to handle it (spoiler alert: it’s not always pretty). If you’ve been following the series, you know that in Part 1, we explored the pressures of constant togetherness and the friction it creates in our relationships. If you haven’t read it yet, I highly recommend starting there. It will help you understand the foundation of the tension we’re navigating as a family.

The Impact it Has On Relationships

Ever feel like your nerves are about to short-circuit? Either by the endless demands of parenting, working from home, and balancing everything else? You’re definitely not alone. Overstimulation is the real deal, and when it hits, it feels like you’re constantly running on empty. For Matt and me, this is all too familiar. We both get overwhelmed by the sheer volume of life happening around us. Before we know it, small annoyances turn into big problems—think “snapping over the missing TV remote” level problems.

When we’re overstimulated, everything feels like it’s turned up to 11. I’m talking about that moment when you feel like you’re about to lose it. Like just one more interruption will make you burst into a thousand tiny pieces. It’s not that spending the entire day with Matt is the issue—honestly, we could be together all day and it would be totally fine. The problem is when everyone else in the house interrupts our flow. Interruptions are fine, but when you’re overstimulated, even the smallest disruption feels like the last straw.

The Breaking Point: When Small Things Turn into Big Problems

When overstimulation takes over, it’s like your whole world shifts in an instant. One minute, you’re fine, and the next, you’re mentally screaming, “I CAN’T DO ONE MORE THING!” You’re trying to focus on a task, and then bam—the kids are fighting over who gets to be what character in a game, or someone needs something right now. Suddenly, your mind feels like it’s short-circuiting. The constant noise, the interruptions, the endless to-do list—it all builds up, and before you know it, you’ve snapped. And then, of course, you feel like a jerk for reacting the way you did, but sometimes it’s just too much.

Real Life Examples of Overstimulated Parents

And Matt? He’s in the same boat. When we’re both running on empty, even the simplest exchanges quickly turn into big arguments. For example, I ask him to pass me a couple of lens wipes while he’s working. When I hear what sounds like frustration in his sigh, I automatically assume he’s irritated. I snap, “Never mind, I’ll figure it out myself.” He responds, “You didn’t even give me a chance to respond!” Small things spiral out of control when we’re both overstimulated.

Then there’s the time Matt’s been dealing with the kids arguing all day. I finally get them to bed, only for others in the house to bring more issues our way—things that aren’t ours to solve. I ask, “Is there anything I can do to help?” but before he can fully express how overwhelmed he feels, I interrupt, trying to correct him. “It’s not like that, Matt.” Naturally, that makes things worse. He says, “I can’t even tell you how I’m feeling without you telling me why I shouldn’t feel that way.” When both of us are overstimulated and running on fumes, the miscommunication snowballs into something much bigger than it needs to be.

Recognizing When You’ve Hit Your Limit with Overstimulation

It’s tricky to recognize when you’re overstimulated. It’s like that moment in a TV show when a character faces an intense situation, and you realize you’ve been holding your breath. Then, you suddenly gasp for air—thinking it will help, even though it doesn’t. The problem is, you didn’t even realize you were holding your breath. When we’re both overstimulated, we often forget to pause and check in with each other. Instead, we try to power through, thinking, “We just need to get through this.” But the reality is, we’re both reaching our limits. Instead of addressing it, we push on—and that’s when things start to spiral.

The best way we’ve found to deal with overstimulation is to hit pause. I know, easier said than done, but we’ve learned we have to recognize it before it explodes. When we feel overwhelmed, we need to communicate that. Even if it’s just saying, “I’m about to lose my mind, can we take a quick break?”. It’s not a perfect system, but recognizing when we’re overstimulated before things spiral has helped us more times than I can count.

Where it gets us in trouble is when we acknowledge it and don’t pause because we are right in the middle of a pressing issue or at least it feels pressing because we’ve been trying to accomplish that one thing for hours now.

How We’re Managing Overstimulation

So, how do we manage overstimulation when life keeps coming at us fast? Well, it’s not magic, but here’s what’s been working (and by “working,” I mean it helps most days, but it’s definitely still a learning process):

Setting Boundaries for Downtime: We’ve started setting clear boundaries around when we need quiet time. This might mean one of us takes a walk alone or just spends 15 minutes in a room by themselves to unwind. Even a short break can reset our brains and help us think clearly. I’m not saying a full spa day (though that would be nice), just a quick breather so we don’t go completely bonkers.
Checking in with Each Other: Communication is key! We try to ask each other how we’re doing throughout the day. Are we both feeling overwhelmed? Do we need to divide up responsibilities? A simple check-in goes a long way in preventing one of us from blowing up over something small (like the fact that the laundry basket is too full—again).
Taking Small Breaks: “Me time” isn’t always easy to find, but it’s important. We carve out small moments during the day to recharge. Go to the store alone? Yes, please. Stepping outside for five minutes of fresh air? Absolutely. These mini-breaks make a world of difference, even if they’re short.
Understanding It’s Okay to Not Be Perfect: Overstimulation can make you feel like you’re failing as a parent or partner. But we’ve learned that struggling sometimes is okay. We don’t need to handle everything perfectly. It’s okay to ask for help, take breaks, and lean on each other when needed. We’re in this together—imperfections and all.

Looking Ahead: Moving Past Overstimulation

The reality of overstimulation is something many parents face, especially in high-stress situations like working from home and living with extended family. But it doesn’t have to control us. By recognizing the signs of overstimulation and making space for rest, we’re learning how to navigate these challenges more effectively.

In the next post, Part 3: Managing Friction Without Letting It Define You, we’ll explore how to handle the moments when the tension reaches its peak. We’ll dive into how we’re working through our conflicts and finding better ways to communicate so that the friction doesn’t define our relationship. It’s not always easy, but we’re taking it one step at a time, and we’ll share the lessons we’ve learned along the way.

Balancing work, parenting, and personal time often feels like a juggling act with no manual. As a mom, I know how overwhelming it can be to meet deadlines, keep the house running, and still carve out time for yourself. The truth is, we can’t do it all perfectly—but with a few strategies, we can create a rhythm that works for our families and ourselves.

Let me tell you, I’ve been there. Mid-thought on a work project, and suddenly, my kids, God love them, have the most pressing questions—always at the most inopportune times. Add to that living in someone else’s home, without your own space, and it feels like the chaos is magnified. It’s tough, but these experiences have taught me a lot, and I’m excited to share some of the ways we’re learning to balance it all.

1. Embrace the Power of a Schedule

Having a schedule isn’t just helpful—it’s essential. Start by blocking time for work, parenting, and personal care. Even a loose plan can make a big difference in managing the chaos.

This past Friday, Matt and I planned a date night. We sent the kids to my sister’s house for a sleepover so we could have an uninterrupted deep discussion about our budget and set goals for the next five years. It was a much-needed moment to recalibrate as a team. Thankfully, our trusty See It Bigger Planner kept everything organized because we had a lot to cover!

At the end of the day, having a plan helps reduce the stress of life’s inevitable surprises. A great plan gives you a sense of control in what often feels like uncontrollable circumstances. As we’ve learned in 5 Parenting Lessons We’ve Learned the Hard Way, flexibility is key—because even the best plans require adjustments.

2. Set Clear Boundaries

One of the biggest lessons we’re learning—and trying hard to implement—is setting boundaries between work and family time. This is not easy. When you work remotely or for yourself, it’s tempting for your family to see you at your computer and assume you’re available.

Communicating your work hours is critical. Let your family know when you’re working and when you’ll be fully present with them. And when it’s time to log off, honor that commitment. It’s not just about getting work done; it’s about showing your family that they are a priority, too.

3. Delegate and Accept Help

You don’t have to do everything. Get the kids involved with age-appropriate chores, and don’t hesitate to lean on your support system. For us, it’s a team effort. Matt and I divide tasks based on who’s available and best suited for them. The kids help, too—whether it’s cleaning their rooms or caring for the dogs, every little bit counts.

Sometimes, outside help is a lifesaver. Whether it’s a family member offering to babysit or a food delivery service like DoorDash, don’t be afraid to say yes when help is offered. You’re not failing by asking for assistance—you’re being resourceful.

4. Make Time for Yourself

This one is easier said than done, but personal time is critical. Whether it’s 10 minutes of journaling, a long shower, or pursuing a hobby, prioritize activities that recharge you.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: you can’t pour from an empty cup. Prioritizing yourself isn’t selfish—it’s essential. The other day, I wasn’t feeling well, and we had a grocery pickup scheduled. Matt graciously offered to handle it for me. Normally, I’d push through, but I knew resting was the best choice for everyone.

If you don’t have a spouse or partner, reach out to a trusted friend or family member when you need help. And don’t underestimate the value of community—whether it’s a church group or an online parenting forum, support is always available if you’re willing to ask.

One thing I’ll add here, as someone who has been on the receiving end of being that trusted friend or family member, is this: don’t take that person for granted. A heartfelt “thank you” is a great start and far better than nothing, but consider going a step further. Just because they love you and want to help doesn’t mean they aren’t setting aside their own responsibilities to assist you. Show your appreciation in tangible ways to honor their generosity and the effort they’ve made to support you.

5. Celebrate Small Wins

Balancing work, parenting, and personal time isn’t about achieving perfection. It’s about celebrating the small wins that keep you moving forward.

When life feels overwhelming, it’s easy to overlook small accomplishments. But each goal reached—no matter how small—is progress. Whether it’s finishing a work project, sneaking in a quiet cup of tea, or getting the kids to bed on time, these moments matter. Acknowledging them reminds you that you’re doing enough, even when it doesn’t feel like it.

Conclusion

Finding balance isn’t about fitting everything into one perfect day. It’s about creating harmony over time. By planning, setting boundaries, and giving yourself grace, you can make space for work, family, and yourself without burning out.

You don’t have to be superhuman to be successful. Success doesn’t mean doing everything perfectly—it means showing up, giving your best, and not neglecting yourself in the process. YOU matter. And trust me, your family sees and appreciates all that you do, even on the days when you don’t feel like you’ve done enough.

How do you manage the juggling act of work, parenting, and personal time? Share your tips with us at [email protected] or Facebook and subscribe to our blog for more insights on navigating the chaos of family life.

Behind Closed Doors: How to Handle Overstimulation